Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I'm Gonna Find My Purpose: or How to Make Your Own Vision Board

It's the first month in a gloriously new year!














A glorious new year that hasn't yet been tainted by your passive-aggressive boss who leaves a new project for you at 4:45 p.m. on a Friday, or that stupid ex who still hasn't discovered what "feelings" are and is therefore incapable of discussing them,  or those cats who puke after every meal and seriously why do I even bother buying the expensive brand of food when they just throw it all up anyway and oh my lord this year is going to suck.














NO.

We must combat this type of thinking. It is negative and soul-sucking and there's just no good reason to do that to yourself. And here's how you fight it:

YOU MAKE A VISION BOARD!

You've probably heard of these before. Google image them and a million (1,000,000) come up. While you don't need to convince me of the power of a good collage, many other people not related to me credit vision boards with helping them to discover their life ambition, refine their goals and to manifest their dreams into destiny.

...

I know, sounds familiar, right? But no, my Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie reversible collage does not technically count as a vision board.

 

(still for sale, price negotiable)

And all you have to do is fill a poster board with images that you feel connected to, things that represent your goals or inspire you. You can also use words or phrases.

Vision boards can come in all different forms, as everyone's vision/aptitude for creating beautiful art is different. Check out a few I found via Google:




These are all correct, although some look a bit more correct than others.

Since it's late January and I haven't yet manifested anything, much less my dreams, into destiny and also haven't made a subversive collage in awhile, I decided to give it a try. My roommate Velvet and I sat down with a huge pile of magazines on a Sunday evening to MANIFEST OUR DESTINIES. And you too can MANIFEST YOUR DESTINY in just a few simple steps.

HOW TO MAKE A VISION BOARD IN JUST A FEW SIMPLE
BUT EXTREMELY IMPORTANT STEPS

1.) Make sure you're dressed properly for the occasion. Do you really think destiny is going to want to manifest with you when you're wearing those elastic-ankle sweatpants that need a wash? No, it won't. It'll manifest with the guy wearing the four thousand (4,000) dollar suit. COME ON, Velvet. Think!














Now, THIS...this we can work with.

2.) Rustle up some ambition-finding snacks to fuel yourself as you begin this journey. Might I suggest some lentil beans with brown rice?  A cup or two (2) of pumpkin puree with coconut milk?











Oh, wait a minute. Are you not on Day Eight (8) of a three (3) week elimination diet like myself? Well, then eat some chips or chocolate or something delicious for me. NO WAIT, eat THESE:













McCain Smiles, I hope you fit into my destiny.

3.) Feed the cats.  You have to do this or else they'll meow the whole time and distract you from your destiny. They will; trust me, I know. They don't care about your dreams.




















Quiet, you; you're sabotaging my life!

4.) Sit down with a huge pile of magazines. I already have an inconveniently large collection of magazines due to my occupation, but you may not be so lucky. If this is the case, then your vision board may require an extra step of procuring materials. Magazines can be found in almost any drugstore, grocery store or bookstore. Just ask a store employee to direct you towards the "magazine section." They should understand what you mean.




















This is an example of what a typical magazine looks like. It may be helpful to print this picture out and bring it with you on your search for magazines.

(Thrifty vision boarders may wish to check neighbors' recycling bins for used magazines instead of purchasing new ones. Your vision board may smell slightly of garbage juice but hey, it's just your hopes and goals for the year.)

5.) Begin to leaf through your new and/or garbage-tainted magazines. Look for images or words that you feel a connection to, ones that represent your aspirations for the year. 

Some examples--if, like Velvet, one of your goals is to "buy more cats in 2012," you may wish to cut a picture like this out for your board:












Or if, like Velvet, one of your goals is to "turn bedroom into cat shelter," this picture might be for you:











6.) Now, sometimes your goals may not easily translate into images. Try to avoid that creeping frustration you feel setting in when, after an hour of searching, you've found barely any images/words that align with your aspirations. 

This is the step when I began to struggle.

Like, seriously, where are the images/power phrases that represent "Complete Hobbit Heartache, the Sweet Valley High/Lord of the Rings erotic fanfiction novel"? Or "Send my fan letter to Jason Segel convincing him that we should go for a drink and maybe write a fun movie together"?   Or "Pick out my outfits the night before so I don't end up wearing the same jeans every single day of the week like I usually do and hating myself"? Or "finally finish rebuilding my collection of The Baby-sitters Club series"?

AND WHY ARE THERE NO HOBBIT PICTURES IN GLAMOUR MAGAZINE?















I know, guys. It's not fair. One day society will see you as beautiful.

7.) Keep reciting/chanting your list of goals aloud to make sure you remain true to them. This step can make vision boarding in a group a little confusing, but it's vital.

You may start to feel the urge to subtly shift your goals to better align with the magazines on hand. Ask yourself if the power phrases "Keep it Casual but Cute at the Movies" or "Make His Dirty Dreams Come True" or "How to Tan like a Pro for Your Show" are really what you want to work towards this year.

When you find yourself declaring out loud "You know what, I DO want the Kardashians in my life this year!" then it's time to put your vision board down and get some space.




















HURRY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

8.) Take a break to clear your head. After all of your intense concentration on MANIFESTING YOUR DESTINY, this is a great time to reward your body and mind. A session of Bikram hot yoga will help to soothe your tense limbs, while delving into that new hobby you've always wanted to try (like stained glass making--both easy and inexpensive!) will invigorate your mind. Velvet and I both soothed our limbs and invigorated our minds by watching four (4) episodes of Roswell, season three (3).




















It's just frustrating because things are kind of crazy right now with Maria and Michael broken up and Liz at  boarding school even though she KNOWS that she and Max are destined for each other even though he's an alien. Why won't life just let them be? It really puts things in perspective.

9.) After a one (1) to four (4) hour break, come back to your board. It might be very late in the evening and you are most likely on the verge of exhaustion after all of the soothing exercise you just performed. 

You are now in the perfect state to complete your vision board. 

Because, as you all know, it is only after true exhaustion that your visions can be seen clearly and grasped in board form. (This is an old quote but I can't seem to find the source.)














This is about the time when I made five (5) impromptu resolutions for the year, all involving sleep, and also about the time when my vision board became filled with pictures of beds.

10.) Remember, any spots left blank may be an indication that your year will be empty and unfulfilled. Cover those boards! You know you can't be lazy!
















12.) Feed the cats again. It's been seven (7) hours since you last fed them.




















13.) Don't forget to do the reverse side of your vision boards! Repeat steps 1-13. It is crucial that this all take place on the same evening. 

14.) Now that your vision board is complete, you'll want to place it in a prominent spot where you'll be sure to see it frequently.  Velvet and I have placed ours inside of our pillow cases.

After all of this hard work, I thought I'd share with you my completed project. But wait! Life is never that simple, is it? To mimic the unpredictable and often chaotic nature of contemporary life, see if you can pick out which of the below images are my completed vision board and which are from a "Where's Hilary Swank?" puzzler I made years ago. 



















































"Where's Hilary Swank?" is also still for sale, $1,500 as is. Contact me for more details.

I didn't post pictures of Velvet's vision board because visions can be a private thing, but it was pretty much just this:














It's gonna be a great year!

Has anyone here made their own vision board? How did it turn out? Did you have to feed the cats more than two (2) times while making it? Has your vision board helped you to MANIFEST YOUR DESTINY? Show me pics and keep it clean!


PS--Here's my actual vision board.


6 comments:

  1. I had a few less calico cats, you are exaggerating! Here's to hoping our dreams come true this year!

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  2. Good Vibezz! Did you and H-Town take those glasses back after you used them on New Years Eve?

    I notice the tags on the back of them, smart very smart :) Your dreams of wealth start there !

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  3. You've inspired me! I want to make a vision board now!

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  4. Velvet, are you suggesting that I exaggerated for the purpose of the story? I would never! And yes, I hope our dreams come true, cats or no cats.

    Hi Mr. Anon! We actually got those glasses for a my Western themed birthday party years ago. They are shaped like cowboy boots. Classy they are not, but it sure is fun to drink from a cowboy boot. You busted me for being lazy on tag removal.

    Jenn, please do! I would love to see a picture of it. I'm envisioning it being completely black & white damask to match your house.

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  5. Oh, and Jenn--don't forget to feed the cats!

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